I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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