hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love having hate sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize