I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
