I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
