What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This house was built for laser tag.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
