I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
