Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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