I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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