when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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