the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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