saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
