You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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