There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
