apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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