fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
