oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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