Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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