I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
