Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
