sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
