I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize