i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
