So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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