you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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