some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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