Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
