Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
