Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
