I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
