Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
