My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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