there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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