Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
