So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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