you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
