Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
