So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
