While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
