If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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