i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
