During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
These tits shall not be calmed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
