Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
