She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
