I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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