You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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