Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
