I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize