she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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