the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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