Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
