If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
