Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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