can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
