I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
