ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
