we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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