She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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