Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
