on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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