I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
