they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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