i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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