Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
