I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
