why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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