they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
