It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
