i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
